Saturday, 7 October 2017

TOP TEN TOYS all dominants should have.

Many aspiring dominants ask me what they need to get started with their kinky toy arsenal. Fetish toys are usually expensive, so this list will give you my favourite and most versatile toys. Of course, what you get will be strongly guided by your own personal fetish interests - this is just a guide for beginners who have no clue what to get first. As your toy box grows, you'll figure out what your own favourites are!

1) Collar

A good quality leather collar will last you a lifetime and you'll ALWAYS find use for it in sessions. It's the one item that fits 90% of fantasies and which immediately puts your sub in a subservient mode. Alternative: a thick and sturdy rubber collar is also versatile for watersports. ;-)

2) Rope

You could spend some money on leather restraints, but you can do a lot more with rope. Start with a simple cotton cord from hardware or sailing/marine shops, where you can buy it by the meter. Get 25 meters, and cut it into 2x 2.5m(wrists), 2x 5m(feet & legs), 1x 10m (body harness). Rope enthusiasts & Shibari/Kunbaku artists will have their specs for how long rope should be, and which fibers are best. But for a beginner (unless you're crazy about bondage and want to jump into that straight away), basic soft cotton works. Just be sure that the rope is between 8mm to 15mm: too thin will dig into the skin making it too painful; too thick will be hard to knot and will get loose too easily. While you’re at it, you might want to do some research on rope bondage safety, as playing with ropes can be hazardous if you’re not aware of what you’re doing. 

3) Clamps or clothes pegs.

Pegs are fun and cheap little toys that can be attached to sensitive regions. Think: nipples, labia, testicles, or even other body parts. I love placing them on earlobes. The pressure cuts circulation to the area making it numb. Once removed, the blood returns to the area giving an intense sensation. To test the strength of the pegs, place them on the webbing of your fingers (or other sensitive spots, if you dare) so you get a feel for what your sub is experiencing…

4) Flogger

This is one item worth investing in, if you ask me. Go to a specialized fetish/BDSM shop. Buying online when you don't have experience is a nightmare. I recommend starting with a soft leather flogger with strands 8-10mm thick and 50-100cm/INCHES long. Shorter floggers are easier to manage and aim than really long ones. Run the leather against your skin and give your thigh some stronger whacks. I always recommend all doms (beginners or not!) to try toys on themselves first to get a feel for the sensation (watch out for my upcoming Impact Play 101 video blog for more tips!). Check the fetish shops list on iFet’s marketplace corner [Link to marketplace]

5) Riding crop

Warning!!! Many sex shops sell poor quality riding crops. You're better off getting actual crops from equestrian shops. The key here is to make sure the tip is wide (~3cm across) and made of sturdy leather. You should be aiming to only hit with the tip avoiding the rod part as that will give the effect of a cane, a much harsher toy (not recommended for beginners). 

6) Strap-on harness, attachments & vibrations

 A note of warning, this accessory is mainly for the ladies, yet again, hollow ones/strap-on sleeves are available at some web-shops, so the gents might appreciate this option anyway. Besides, extra “cocks” or vibrators are always a good thing around greedy sluts when your biological cock wants to have a break!

 At this point, we are just discussing the hardware (stay tuned for the theory in the coming weeks). Now aside from anal play, dildos can also be used for other orifices. If you want to turn your sub into a little slut, then all holes should be explored. One of the benefits of using a strap-on is that you can use a different dildo for each purpose. So for your starter kit, the most important piece (ie. what you should spend most money on) is the harness. The first harness I got way back was a silly glorified PVC panty which fell apart within the first year of use. However, it taught me all that a strap on should NOT be. So here is your cheat sheet so you don’t have to go through the trouble I had:

A. For durability, you want your harness made of leather. Some rubber fetishists will vouch for their rubber harnesses, but these are harder to find, and the ones available at sex shops tend to be made of soft latex. It may feel good to wear, but it will likely tear once your sub can take more vigorous thrusting...

B. Straps should be adjustable. The harness should fit you snugly, so each band should be adjustable for your comfort and ease of use.

C. It should accommodate different dildo sizes. One of the great advantages of "strapping one on" is that you can swap cocks for different functions. So, don’t short change yourself with a single dildo harness.

D. The cock hole (where you'll attach the different dildos) should sit on your pelvis. This is a pet peeve of mine... I don’t understand how so many of the harnesses available place the cock hole somewhere between the crotch and the belly button... What the...? Do you thrust with your pelvic bone or with your tummy? A dildo should sit where a cock would be (if the wearer had a natural penis).

With one sturdy harness that fits you well, you can start trying different cocks. As a start, get your three musketeers: 1) a thin long dildo (5-6inches long, 1inch thick), 2) one of similar length but thicker (1.25-1.5inches thick), and 3) something a bit thicker and longer to aspire towards (and for humiliation/threat play). Let’s not forget d'Artagnan, the 4th musketeer. This is a medium (same as #2), and soft, bendy dildo to be used only for oral training. Why soft? So it will curve into your sub’s throat, reducing training time dramatically. A rigid/solid dildo will keep banging into the back of the throat without going deeper (which is what our subby sluts are gagging for). Fellatio training is also on the list of future blogs. Stay tuned!

Finally, as part of this “item”: Vibrators are always fun toys to own. No point advising on type as it’s usually a very personal choice. I have a variety, some small bullets to strategically place between the strap-on harness and my undies, handheld dildo vibes, and powerful plug in the wall 7-speed “body massagers”. If you’re anything like me, you’ll end up collecting vibes and dildos. I love displaying my wall of cocks.

7) Inflatable vibrating butt

Anal play gets a bad rap as being too risque for girls ("only sluts do that") or boys ("only gay guys do that"). Yet, there is no reason to fear it. I will elaborate more on the physiological and psychological implications of anal play in a different article. But suffice to say, if you choose to venture into the back door of desire, you might easily fall prey to the thousands of shiny, rubbery, and shapely insertibles available on the market. The best way to start is with a small or medium inflatable plug. That way after a bit of slow fingering, the plug can be inserted and slowly inflated as the recipient gets accustomed to the sensations. If you find one with a vibrating function all the better! A little vibration adds extra pleasure, and for those newbies still lost in the mental taboo of this type of play, the vibration intensifies the sexuality of the experience. Anal play deserves a few blog entries, so send in your questions on the topic, and I will can expand your horizons... A-hem!

 PS! Make sure to read #10 thoroughly for some good tips on hygiene and cleaning up!

8) Blindfold

Although there is a massive range of blindfolds available, you can probably save some cash on this item by using a long silk scarf instead.  

9) Vampire gloves, sensation play toys.

The key about sensation play is texture. Here you might tie up and blindfold your submissive/bottom and then run a variety of different textures over their skin. Fur, feathers or suede are great for the soft range. The strands of a flogger work great for this! On the sharp side, a surfers waxing comb or a spiky goth bracelet are great fun and easy to find. Vampire gloves are leather gloves covered in tiny spikes. They are a bit expensive but totally worth it! ->NOTE To Peter: maybe your web crew can arrange an affiliate connection for promoting their products (return link?)

Alternatively, you may want to try the knitted vampire gloves, which are washable, so great if you get a bit carried away and draw a bit of blood. Love Bites:

10) Condoms, latex gloves, lube & cleaning.

I always use condoms on my penetration toys. It is safer when you play with multiple people and it makes it a breeze to clean, especially if you're doing anal play (still wash your dildos after each use, even when using condoms!). Disposable latex gloves are also a must for play that involves body fluids. Besides, it adds a medical fetish component to the play.

If you plan on doing genital or anal play, lube is always good to have. I love the Aussie brand Wet Stuff. Yes, that’s really what it’s called. And it’s bloody great, mate!

And last, but not least, the cleaning products. In my dungeon/play kit I always like to have spray bottles of the following:

1. Dettol double dilution (2:1).

2. Soapy water (preferably anti bacterial soap)

3. Viraclean (or your local alternative) hospital grade antibacterial and anti viral cleaner. This must be potent stuff.

I have a lot to discuss on cleaning, but just a quick cheat sheet to start: Different levels of mess will require different levels of cleaning.

1. Skin contact alone; e.g. a light flogging session, or sitting on a spanking bench: use Dettol.

2. Latex Play? Only soapy water will clear away that pesky slippery silicon lube… In some cases, I’ll use soapy water first and THEN Dettol. It doesn’t hurt to double up on the cleaning.

3. Finally, to clean any implements that had direct contact with genital areas and to wipe body fluids leakage on equipment, (e.g. pre-cum, blood), snap on a pair of gloves and use Viraclean and paper wipes.

I usually use antibacterial body wipes or baby wipes for intimate body cleaning.   

If there is a small cut on the body, I apply everyday first aid (clean, disinfect, cover). This might be stating the obvious, but have a basic first aid kit in your play area for one of life’s little accidents (which are more than likely to make a visit or two during your experimentations).

Note: Blood play and urethral sounds will require an extra level of cleaning and disinfecting, but these will be discussed separately, as they are not beginner activities. 

I better stop myself here or it will spill over into my pedantic cleaning procedures. Check my upcoming blogs on “Kinky Kleaning 101” and "How to make safe sex sexier" for more tips! 

Now, time to get the credit card out and fill up your toy box! Kinky Blessings!

Mistress Kalyss

*Article originally published on and at:

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