Friday, 27 October 2017

Consensually Enslaved

During my last visit to Rio de Janeiro (Brazil), I went to the museum MAR with a school friend, Alex Castro. He's a talented writer and later that day he presented me with his translation of the Autobiography of the Poet Slave, Juan Francisco Manzano. Later that month, I finished the book, which describes the rough life of a slave during the 1800's in Cuba. No matter how many slavery stories I read or watch, they never cease to touch my heart. Especially considering my position as BDSM "slave owner"

This is my real past. My great-grandparents were plantation owners in colonial Brazil, so by default they owned slaves. There is no record of how they treated their "property". Yet, some vestigial hints remain. Real life servitude is still alive and thriving in Brazil. Even in this day and age, being a stern "boss" is culturally expected; in order to keep servants "in their place". Middle and upper classes in Brazil often have maids, nannies and cleaners, many of which live with the families during the week. Servants are paid minimum wage (currently €210 per month). Most apartments in wealthy suburbs have "servant's" rooms, as . House servants may have freedom, but that is quite limited. They might not be physically punished as they were in the past, but they are not treated as equal to the bosses. In Norway, The Netherlands and in Australia, meeting your cleaner in a social setting is acceptable. You may be their boss, but they have the same rights as you to frequent a public party. One could say this is the same in Brazil, by the written law. But in real life, a thick classist culture separates bosses and servants. Returning to Brazil after a four year gap, it's so obvious to me how deep this separation goes.

My lifelong nanny/step mom, Claire, served at my grandmother's house from the age of 16. At the time, my grandma insisted that she went to school, to learn to read and write, but even so, she only managed to complete up to fourth grade. What she lacks in academic background, she makes up with a heart of gold, kindness, patience, and good humour. When my mother married, Claire was sent to be my nanny. She lived with us, at our luxurious 4-bedroom apartment, where she had a tiny room, barely 2x2 meters. Twice a month she would take the weekend off to see her sisters and brothers, who lived 3 hours away. She chose not to get married and have her own children. She helped raise my brother and I, cared for my grandfather, mother and father to their deathbeds.
As we grew up, both my grandma and mom always taught us to treat Claire with respect and kindness. Even so, there was a separation. She would serve meals and attend to our requests, before eating her own meal. At my birthday parties, she would wear a serving uniform (was it at my mother's instructions or because she chose to?) She would travel with us during holidays, join in boat trips, play with us on the beach, joining for card games at family gatherings but always keeping a polite distance and retreating to the kitchen and out of the "action" often, especially when strangers and extended family visited. Was that her comfort zone due to her personality? Or was she taught to not participate as an equal?

In my recent visit, we went to a cousin's birthday and almost as we arrived, Claire went straight into the kitchen to help my aunt and her maids with the meal preparation, and ended up spending the entire night there. I invited her to join in for the meal and the cake cutting, but she declined, wanting to eat with the other maids.They stayed in the kitchen all evening, and only ate dinner after all the guests had eaten, dishes were washed and cake served, close to 11pm. I felt awkward that she was doing a lot of work serving when she wasn't "hired" to do that. She was invited as a guest. Still, even when I tried to help, she would shoo me away, saying she had it under control. Was she instructed by my aunt to stay in the kitchen or did she feel a resistance to be social among my family, most of which have known her for years? It seems that after so many years as a servant, she is more comfortable in "her place". Would she have chosen differently had she been given the option earlier in life?

So I wonder if the consensual inequality that many subs seek is something similar? When I notice a submissive client is open and social, I might invite them to a party and introduce them to my fetish community. One of my subs once told me he is most at ease while serving me. At parties, this gives him a purpose. He doesn’t have to feel socially awkward, or make small conversation. Could this dom/sub gap be similar to the cultural class divide we see in places like Brazil? Of course in DS, the gap is chosen and consensual, while in the "real" world, social inequality is often forced onto people.

This brings me back to the Museum of Art of Rio (MAR), where there is an entire floor dedicated to artefacts and historical documents from life in Rio de Janeiro in the 1700's, when slavery was thriving. Among them were a litter sedan vehicle, shackles, a blue print of boats showing how many slaves would fit in the hull, and a raw hide strap whip almost identical to one I inherited from my mother. She had it on the wall as a decorative family heirloom. Did she even use it? It may have simply been a horse whip, or it might have been used on non-consensual slaves... It's not often you see one of your personal kink toys as a museum exhibit.

Immediately I was jolted into the awareness of my privilege. My family were slave owners, my parents carried on the cultural servitude of my “black mother”, and now I am a Domina, mistress of countless consensual slaves. In all these years of pro-domming, have I been unconsciously cleansing the karma of my family through replaying slavery but now with consent, kindness and concern for my "servants"? Or are my actions a rebalancing of the fairness scales, as most of my subs are rich, white, privileged males? 

Many domme friends tease me for being too kind to my slaves. Could that be due to my life experience with real life servitude and inequality? Sometimes, I feel torn between my sadistic desires and a sense of guilt. Could I be causing psychological trauma with the welts I yield? Why do my subs want that pain? When am I going too far? Yes, we may use consent and safewords… Being strict and evil yields results, which I enjoy and most subs prefer a stern Domina. But where to draw the line between fantasy games and reality? How long can I play the evil queen before I start believing the hype and actually mistreating my subs, physically and/or emotionally?

I don't have an easy answer to this dilemma. I have interviewed countless subs to analyse their psychology. I have explored the submissive side myself to better understand that craving. I've studied the brain mechanisms behind physical pain and humiliation, and written a dissertation on the topic. But the more I learn, the more questions arise… I won't stop playing with BDSM out of ethical fears. Informed adult consent is my primary guide. And thus I aim to offer my subs plenty of food for thought so they may be informed when they consent to embark in this journey with me. I have added some discussion questions in the comments. I would love to know what you think!

You will find more information about Mistress Kalyss Mercury on her official website

Wednesday, 11 October 2017

Fet Hacks: Summer Edition

20 Tricks and Tips to Simplify & Amplify your Fetish Experiences in Tropical Weather

As a native of Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, I grew up in tropical weather. In the tropics, because it’s warm (or stinking HOT) for most of the year, architecture and culture is based around keeping you cool. Most buildings have fans and/or air conditioning and fashion promotes thin fabrics and sun protecting accessories (see tip #20). But in many northern hemisphere cities, such London and Oslo, Norway, where I currently live, the opposite is true. Culture is based on keeping people warm. Houses have insulation against the cold, but are not well ventilated for the (now more common) heat waves during summer. Public transport and night clubs are often not equipped with air conditioning strong enough to work at over 30 degrees Celsius (86°F).  And most fetish gear will make you sweat like a pig, which is not overly sexy, so we kinksters often end up avoiding play due to the discomfort. But that does not have to be the case.  Australia has a thriving fetish & kink community, so to manage the heat that pervades for most of the year, we must be creative to achieve our perverted goals. Many of the tips described below may appear to be common sense, but I was surprised how many people in the Nordics never thought of these. So grab yourself a cold drink and start taking notes to enjoy your pervy fun during the summer or when traveling to the tropics.

At the Club...

Fetish clubbing can be a hot affair even during the winter. Fetish venues can easily get too warm if events are at full capacity. During the summer, air conditioners may not work as efficiently. Add to that dancing, whipping and a lot of fetish wear and you’ll get steamy mirrors as if you were in a sauna. An ounce of prevention can help you keep cool through the night.

1) Keeping Cool in Latex

Latex is the devil of fabrics. It doesn’t keep you warm in winter and it makes you boil in summer. But you can use the fact it has no insulating properties to your advantage. If you wet latex, the temperature will filter straight to your skin. So when things start getting hot, visit the bathrooms and wet your latex (especially near the neck and shoulders). I usually bring a hand towel to the clubs so I can wet it and then run it over my legs, back and chest. But paper towels also do the trick. Be polite for your fellow party goers and avoid leaving a slippery mess on the bathroom floor (club/party organizers check tip #8 to avoid this becoming a hazard).

2) Hydrate-Hydrate-Hydrate

Do I need to say this? Yes, no matter how much people know that they need more water in summer, alcohol tends to make us forget. So make it a routine to alternate alcoholic drinks with a glass of water. This is particularly important if you’re wearing latex or other warm fetish gear. 

3) A wet towel can save your night

Even if you’re not wearing latex, take a small face cloth to the party. It’s a small addition to your toy bag and all you need to do is wet it in the restrooms and run it over your neck, behind the ears, around the wrists and over shoulders. The evaporation of the moisture on your skin will cool you down. And you can repeat as often as you need to stay fresh. For extra coolness, grab a glass of ice from the bar to make the water really cold!
Splashing around in latex is ever so fun!  MKM at Montreal Fetish Weekend

Splashing around in latex is ever so fun!  MKM at Montreal Fetish Weekend

Splashing around in latex is ever so fun!  MKM at Montreal Fetish Weekend
4) Make up & Hair savers

Your face and head release a lot of our body heat, hence, one can easily get a sweaty face before the rest of the body is sweating. This is a big enemy to your hair and makeup. But there are tricks to keep looking fresh through the night. First, if you have long hair, put it up. Choosing hairdos that move hair from your face and neck are better to avoid heat. Avoid wearing full hoods and heavy hats during summer as these will block the heat from being released through your scalp. Use hair pieces (pony tail style) instead of wigs, or if you must wear a wig, choose a short haired style.

For makeup, always bring a compact powder so you can blot out oiliness and sweat through the night. Some makeup companies offer blotting paper towels specifically for this purpose. Also use waterproof mascara and eyeliner, so they don’t run when you start to sweat. I always recommend 24h lipstick for fetish events year round, to avoid kissing off your lipstick and constantly having to reapply. In summer, a 24h lipstick also reduces smudging from sweating. 

5) Folding fans

During the summer, I always carry a folding fan in my handbag. Not only do they give you your personal hand powered “breeze” but they are also very stylish and can become a practical accessory to your fetish costumes. If you forgot your fan or don’t have one, just find an A4 sheet or a flyer and fold it up into vertical gates so in the end you have a little personal fan.

6) Explore tropical role plays & outfits

Captive of natives in a tropical island, Caribbean voodoo queen & victim, Lifeguard, kidnapping (considering some South American countries have some of the world’s highest rate of kidnapping, you could make this rather authentic), Carnaval (Mardi Gras), bikinis, feathers and tropical prints can be fetishised too! I’ve done a role play where the Brazilian samba dancer seduces an unsuspecting Hawaiian shirt wearing “gringo” (foreigner/tourist) and proceeds to then tie him up and take control.    

What NOT to wear: Avoid overly warm materials such as fur and leather. Leather will get moldy when you sweat too much in it. Furries should either travel to the opposite hemisphere (seasonal fetish migration) or invest in an industrial strength air conditioner for their events.

*For Club & Party Organisers:

The next four tips are especially for people managing fetish clubs or hosts of fetish parties. The responsibilities of hosting a fetish event will vary with the seasons. I’m not here to teach you how to run your event (that’s another article altogether). These are just a couple of summer tips to make sure your guests have a comfortable time. 

7) Air Conditioning & Fans

With the advent of climate change, even countries with a history of mild summers (eg. Norway & the UK) have recently been getting heat waves. Don’t hope for the best, make sure your space has air-conditioning capable of handling your crowd. A house party with 25 people in 25 degrees is cozy, if the heat goes up to 30 degrees, you’ll need at least 2-3 fans to keep your crew refreshed. For a bigger event, you will definitely need air-conditioning (unless it’s an outdoor event). If you don’t own the venue, you can use mobile air-conditioning units. These are not too expensive and easy to install and pack away once your party is done.

Swimming in Latex at Fraser Island, Australia
8) Wet Room

The toilets at big parties always get a bit messy. This gets worse in the summer. Double up your bathroom cleaner routine. If you promote people to wear latex at your event, provide some large cloth towels for people to wet for the latex refresh technique. If your toilets happen to have a shower, set that up as the “wet room” to keep all the water splashing to one location. Be sure to put “Watch out! Slippery Wet Floor”.  Line the floor of the area with non slip tape and provide plastic seats in the shower to prevent falls. High heels and wet tiled floors are not the best of friends…  

9) Jelly Wrestling, Foam parties & other “Spring break” hacks

If you can’t fight the heat, use it to your advantage! Tropical holiday destinations have already solved this problem, so you don’t need to reinvent the wheel, so take some of their ideas and make it fetish! A large plastic children’s pool can easily become a jelly wrestling pit. But rather than make it messy with regular store bought jelly (which takes ages to set in the fridge) get the jelly directly from jello wrestling companies. Some of them offer different colors or even better to reduce staining potential: CLEAR Jelly! These purpose jelly kits don’t have sugar and they can be easily disposed after the party is done. Other ideas requiring more planning and investment are foam parties, latex pool parties or water gun fights. Yes, these are messy ideas and not applicable to all venues. But if you are planning to run an event in summer, you can make the “mess” part of the theme for the event, so people dress accordingly: to get messy!

10)  Theme it up

Many fetish parties around the world use themes to inspire the guests to dress in the same style for the event. For example, “Back to school” events bring out the naughty students and strict teachers while “Guerilla” promotes all sort of military and camouflage dress ups. Theme your events according to the season. Like tip#6, promote costumes that match a summer role play. Here are some fun summer themes that will match with skimpy outfits fit to handle the heat:  Toga/Gladiator/Egyptian, Gods & Goddesses, Beach, Carnaval, and science-fiction.        

MKM & Ms Penelope Dreadful enjoying some shade in the Queensland sun.
In the Dungeon & Bedroom

In the winter, people may shy away from play because getting naked can be a challenge. However, summer brings some interesting challenges and options for play. Don’t let the heat ruin your fun, use it to your advantage.

11) Ice Stimulation

Use ice cubes within your sensation play. I normally alternate with candle wax for a hot and cold contrast, but in summer the skin is already so hot that the ice alone creates this effect. Just tie up your sub and run the ice slowly over the skin, or overwhelm them with splashes of cold water. Make sure you use a towel underneath them as things will get wet. 

12) Watersports (Golden Showers)

 Summer is the best time to do watersports (urination play). So if you’re into it set up a space and go nuts! I love setting my sub in a bath and then covering them in my golden nectar. In winter, I usually fill ¼ of the bath in warm water first. In the summer, you can use cool water instead, and again setting a lovely temperature contrast between the water and your body fluids.

13) Body Worship/Sweat humiliation

When things get sweaty in summer, use it to your advantage. Make your sub lick your sweat or make it drip over them as part of their humiliation dose in the session. I love doing body slides during summer as the sweating helps with the slipperiness.

14) Chastity Devices, extra summer precautions

Chastity lovers must be more careful during summertime. The extra sweating and heat increases the potential for chaffing in the private areas. So carry some baby wipes with you for refreshing yourself through the day, or reduce the number of hours you wear the device during summer months. 

Show off your skin in the summer months, MKM at London Fetish Weekend.
15) Fans, Air con and Wet Towels

Summer time play requires some adjustments to the dungeon set up. Get a portable fan or air conditioner to keep your play space/bedroom cool. Things usually heat up during play and sex, so you’ll need extra cooling if you want to keep playing before you overheat from all that vigorous spanking and thrusting. Keep one or two wet towels handy as well for wiping off sweat as the frolicking gets more intense.

16) The fridge is your friend

Put your massage lotions and aloe vera gel in the fridge for a refreshing touch to your regular day of pampering. But beware, when you are getting massaged, your body can cool down fast, so keep a large towel handy to cover the body parts that cool down quickest (for example, the feet). You can also put a bottle of lube in the fridge for an erotic and refreshing touch to genital massages and anal play. On that note, you can also place pyrex glass and metal dildos in the fridge for cold insertions. Your sub is in for a surprise! 

When it’s so hot to wear anything at all, you can add an extra treat to your sub by putting their undies in the freezer. This trick does not last long, but the cooling sensation is very erotic. Combine with the ice play and all of a sudden the heat is your friend, not your enemy.

Activities to avoid:

 Fire play, candlewax, deep heat (Tiger balm), hoods, wigs, outfits that cover you up too much (Victorian gowns, latex catsuits, furry suits).

Outdoors & Day-to-Day

Even Darth Vader deserves a space in the shade.

17) Dress accordingly & Keep your head cool:

Take the club advice and apply it to your everyday. Choose soft airy fabrics, reduce the amount of skin you cover, and avoid covering your head. If it gets too hot, cooling your face and head will produce an overall body cooling effect. So again, wet a cloth and dab your neck and back of the ears. Bring a cotton scarf and wear it wet around your neck for a constant fresh feel or use it as a refreshing cloth for other body parts as well.  

18) Umbrellas & parasols. In Australia, most gothic girls (and many boys) carry a parasol on a daily basis. Shade is not always available and the strong sun will get absorbed by your black clothes and cook you. Having your own portable shade reduces this effect dramatically. Not to mention it will also protect your pristine white skin from the sadistic ball of fire in the sky. Many companies make gorgeous parasol and umbrellas so that the accessory will actually enhance your Victorian outfits. 

19) Walk on the shady side of the street:

This sounds like common sense. People in the tropics have a radar for shade. But in colder climates, the opposite is true. So you need to set your brain to the season. In the city, unless it’s the middle of the day, the buildings will often produce shade at least in one side of the street. So cross the road to be  in the shade. It makes a huge difference.

Choose role plays that suit a skimpy outfit.
MKM as Voodoo Queen with Marquis
Embassador, Nicci Tristan.
20) Spare shirt, socks & towel:

If you will attend some outdoor fetish event, such as a street fair or parade, and your outfit is really warm, take a spare set of fresh clothes so you can get changed at the end of it. Most pubs will let you use their bathrooms, and then you can make your way home in comfortable clothes. I often dress up in fetish at home and get changed after, but if your outfit is easy to get on and take off, you can also do the same procedure before the event. Wear comfy cool clothes to the location, get changed, party and reverse the procedure at the end of the event. If you’re wearing boots, fresh socks will make a world of difference for your sweaty feet after a parade. Also take a towel so you can wipe off your sweat before getting into your fresh clothes.  

Print out this guide and keep it near your fetish gear so you remember these tips when you’re getting ready to venture out into the heat. We have enough discomfort from tight corsets, crazy high heels and restrictive clothing. Being uncomfortably warm can be avoided if you so wish. But be cautious! Too much cooling can also give you a cold, and summer storms can get a blazing day to drop 10 degrees with little warning. So even in the summer, take a scarf, sarong, towel or cotton sweater in case you get some chills.

Happy Summer Shenanigans! Be Hot, but stay cool!

Sizzling Spanks!

Mistress Mercury

Article originally published in 2 parts on, July 2015 and at:

Wednesday, 4 October 2017

My Favorite Kinks- Part 2

Photographer - Victor Valyrian - humanEXPhotos
My clients and admirers often ask me what type of fetishes I like the most. As much as a list of fetishes can be of help, I’ve always wanted to go into more details to explain what I really get from each of my kinks and what I feel my subs enjoy from it. Last month, I shared the first half of my favorite kinks… But I love so many things, that I couldn’t fit them all in one blog. So, without much further ado, these are a few MORE of my favorite kinks!

10) Golden Showers:

Water sports, piss play, toilet training are all forms of what I could easily have qualified as one of my top three favorite kinks. There’s something visceral about urinating on someone; a nearly beastlike feeling that I get. For me, golden showers (GS for short) are fun for two main reasons. First there is the sheer delight in the physical sensation of urination. Releasing all that built up pressure, feeling all of it flow out tickling my nether lips in the process. It even seems sometimes that the warm flow presses on my G spot, especially if I squeeze particularly hard. For me, the simple act of peeing is extremely erotic. How naughty to get turned on about such a private and taboo activity. And that takes me to the second reason I love giving GS: the mind fuck.

Aside from the physical pleasure I get from releasing my golden nectar, the fact that I have an eager human toilet to collect all of it takes it to another level. The contrast between the warm and arousing sensations with the usual societal symbolism around the act gives you a mind spin. There’s humiliation for the receiver and the need to prove oneself as a devoted pet. As a cruel sadist, I love to see you twisting around your own convoluted mental twists. “It’s so hot, but it’s so naughty. But it’s my Goddess, and I’ll do anything for her.” Yes, you will. And Mistress Mercury will give you her golden blessing; a baptism into some of the deepest levels of surrenders you may ever feel.         

11) Humiliation (private or public):

Twisting your head into a knot is even so fun… Humiliation play is quite interesting as it varies from person to person. What is embarrassing for you may be a walk in the park for me. So primarily, I aim to learn about my submissives’ perspectives of societal norms, their prides and their shames. And then I can experiment with insults and taunts that will actually elicit emotional reactions. Each one is at their own stage of development. So I can only go as deep as I feel a sub is ready to go. Humiliation can be fun and playful, but it can also easily cross boundaries. So be prepared to learn some lessons in the process. And all this is just for the private humiliation…. Doing it in public adds yet another level of challenge. And I love a challenge!

12) Nipple Torture:

I like to tease and torture many parts of a sub’s body, but there’s something about the nipples that keep my attention coming back throughout the session. It is such a sensitive spot so they're perfect for pinching and teasing. Any pain based play gets intensified when applied to the nipples: clamps, flogging, candle wax, scratching, violet wands... Hmmm... I can’t help grinning just thinking about it! So strategically located between the face and the groin, such excellent anchor points for any form of predicament bondage. Ah! The Possibilities!

13) Role Play:

Fetish & domination sessions are an opportunity for you to enact your fantasies. BDSM can be like a theatre; in our pre-session contact we can co-write the script for the scene. Then during the session, you're the main actor while Mistress plays the lead actress and director. We can play classic fantasies such as head mistress and student in trouble, boss lady and maid/servant, or goddess and worshipper.  The options for role plays are only limited by your imagination! I love the variety of engaging in different roles so don't be shy about sharing your ideas!

14) Sensation play: Deprivation & Exploration

Blindfolds or a basic long scarf will temporarily remove your sight, which immediately enhances the other senses. Hearing the click-clack of my high heels on the wooden floor hints my approach. But what will I do next? Masking extra senses adds another layer of surrendering to my control. A gag will remove your ability to speak, turning you into some form of animal that can only moan and groan.  Combined with bondage, this simple game can be quite effective at taking you away from the real world and into the palm of my hand.

Sensory removal enhances physical sensations in one direction, but one can also go the other way and add intense sensations, or mix them up. So while one may be gagged and blindfolded, Mistress might ramp up the skin sensation with a pinwheel or other sharp objects, tickling and scratching. Or bondage may be combined with headphones playing music specially selected to make you aroused, humiliated or frustrated. This is especially fun for subs that pride themselves in their music taste; so many irritating yet catchy pop songs to fill your head with while I probe your body. Mistress loves to overwhelm her subs, and sensation play gives me so many options!

15) Smoking & Ashtray play:

Mistress used to smoke more regularly during her rebellious years backpacking through Europe. Now I only smoke once in a while, at parties or depending on the company. But she make an exception for certain sessions, especially when it fits in with the role-play. There’s something extremely seductive about an evil villainess who will force smoke into her victim’s mouth. Also, if there is no ashtray close by, a slave should be ready to hold the cigarette ashes on his hand, or mouth for the more experienced ones. Again, a cigarette or cigar can simply become an extra implement with which Mistress can tease and torture you. And for the record, as many of you have asked me… No, I don’t burn cigarettes on your skin. That would leave permanent marks which are against my discretion policy (see below).

16) Tickling:

One of biggest enjoyment I get from dominating my subs is the reaction I get from what I inflict upon them. A sub that moans, groans, twists in their bondage and shivers from my touch is more satisfying for me than a sub that holds still in silence no matter what I am doing to them. If I wanted a statue, I would have one made. But men are often not used to being on the receiving end of sexual activities, so it might take some time to train them to communicate the pleasure or pain they experience at my hand. Tickling is a great way to do that. Of course, not everyone is ticklish, but most people have sensitive spots that make them react strongly. And tickling is somewhere between sensual and hilarious, so it doubles as a good humiliating technique. A sub may have a strong pain tolerance and will power to not react from the strikes of my whips, but few people can withstand being tied and tickled. Pushing boundaries with tickling can be such sweet torture… What’s not to love?


Safety & Consent: All activities are performed under strict safety guidelines, always with the use of safewords and other methods to maintain a consensual scene. Any references to “forced” or apparently non-consensual behavior are all within the pre-negotiated role play for the scene.

Discretion Policy & Permanent Marks: Mistress is a professional, and as much as we may enjoy the game of cat & mouse, we both understand that is a controlled form of fantasy fulfillment. Mistress understands that you have a normal life outside the dungeon where your body could be under scrutiny. Many of my submissives are married or have girlfriends who do not know about their kink. Hence, discretion is very important for them and of course for me too. It is not in my benefit to leave permanent marks on your body to be found by your significant other and get you in trouble. That makes you less likely to returning to play with me, and that does not please me. So rest assured that Mistress always takes care to not leave marks on your body. Of course, if you are a fan of play that creates marks (as for instance caning), you will need to plan your sessions allowing for a few days for skin recovery in order to not get caught.

And a note about significant others:

If kink and fetish were more widely accepted, many of my clients would be able to approach the subject and play with their significant partners. However, BDSM is still relatively taboo, especially the idea of a submissive male. Many women would think less of their husband if they found out that they like to be cross dressed, bound, gagged and spanked, so sharing these fantasies with their love partner is scary. And even the women that might be accepting of their partner’s fetishes, it doesn’t mean they will be willing to be a part of them. Playing the dominant role requires many skills and effort, and it’s not for everyone. Research shows that dominants usually take up about 10-20% of the kink population, and probably less than half of those are female.

It is understandable that men whose fetishes may only occur only in a part time basis will chose to keep their secrets from their partners. I know so many men who love their wives, family and vanilla life, but who once in a while indulge in their fantasies with me. This is a healthy habit. Fetishes and fantasies don’t go away, they eat at your brain and curiosity often gets the best of us. Professional dommes do a great service for the institution of marriage by allowing men to express their vulnerable submissive side without jeopardizing love relationships that would not tolerate this expression from them.

Now, there are also women who accept their men being submissive, and for those couples, I recommend couples coaching sessions where I can teach both partners the skills to be able to play better in their personal life. I love teaching aspiring dommes the kink techniques and attitudes that will help them find their own domme style. Dominance and submission are both journeys of self discovery. I love being a guide for couples who want to explore that journey together, and especially to share some of the delightful benefits of having a submissive partner with my fellow ladies in charge. But that is yet another story, for another day…

Article originally published on, July 2015 at:

Tantric Domination: The Art of Dancing to Flow

Tantric Domination: The Art of Dancing to Flow I must warn you. Even though I have years of experience in this field, I feel intimidated ...