My Favourite Kinks- Part 1

“Mistress, what sort of things do you do in a session?”

New subs often ask me that question and although up until now I have sent them to my website,  but I’ve been meaning to go into more  detail about them for some time… What are these fetishes and kink activities and why do I love them so much? A dictionary would do an adequate job of explaining the «what», but unfortunately in such a dry manner that it’s hard to understand the “why”. So, without much further ado, here are a few of my favourite kinks!

1).  Body Worship: Most submissive males approach a Mistress in awe of Her superiority, Her beauty, and Her grace. A common desire in offering their submission is to worship Her as a Goddess. In the vanilla world, “worship” is usually connected to religion and prayer, and in modern religions prayer is not quite a physical activity, so this term can be confusing for new subs. However, in many pagan and other pre-Christian traditions, the physical body was used to connect to the divine. Many religious rites used to involve sexual interaction and dance. When I think of body worship, I try to bring back some of those ancient rituals. I see myself as a priestess, embodying a Goddess during sessions. My subs are serving not just me, but the essence of feminine power. This doesn’t have to become a religious rite and in fact many of my subs are atheists. Body worship is a ritual of praise for the feminine form. Each sub will feel a stronger connection and turn on from different parts of my body. Some will focus on my feet (read more about this further down). Others are intoxicated by kissing and licking my legs or bottom. While some prefer to be smothered between my breasts, others prefer to show their adoration by combing or caressing my long hair. Many of my devoted pets like a mixture of all of this as it’s not just the body part they adore, but myself as a whole, as the essence of Goddess. So aside from the usual kisses and licks that are commonly referred as “body worship”, a full body massage, or indulging me in a hot bath, or smelling me head-to-toe are all forms of worship; as is any form of pampering that celebrates beauty and femininity.

The key ingredient for a pleasurable worship session is the sub’s passion for it rather than the activity itself. A sub must kiss and touch my legs as if his life depended on it; showing me his affection, holding my feet lovingly, and memorizing my sensitive spots to send shivers down my spine with his devoted touch.

2).  Bondage and restraint: In spite of knowing quite a lot about bondage, I will admit that I am not a traditional Shibari/Kinbaku Mistress. Yes, I can tie you up and we can have a lot of fun restraining you, but the art of Shibari deserves years of training and dedication. When I began my journey, I wanted to explore a multitude of kinky crafts rather than focusing all my time on one modality. For this reason, I approach rope play from a playful and practical angle. I also know that the majority of bottoms enjoy the removal of control that bondage provides. To struggle and writhe against the restraints (particularly when combined with pain play) allows the submissive to truly feel that they are being held “against their will”, thus enhancing their sense of helplessness in the role-play.

3).  CBT: Cock and Ball Torture may go by a scary name but it doesn’t necessarily need be. Torture, like “play” is a word with wide berth in BDSM. Some play can be painful and some torture can be FUN! It does depend on the receiver’s pain tolerance and general sensitivity in the crotch area. I like to start torture on the mild side of the scale and gradually build it up riding the coattails of my sub’s reactions. And while some men mercy at a scratch and mild pat on the balls, others take blows that may injure the kicker, yours truly. That was the funniest emergency room conversation…

4).  Candle wax/Ice and other hot-cold games: Candles have different melting temperatures, some burn lower, leaving nothing but a small sting; while others burn high enough that one may feel an intense burning sensation for a brief moment. Little drops of intensity, splattered slowly or rhythmically across exposed skin. A deep sigh and the pain is gone. Then ice. Sharp. Piercing. Which one comes next? It’s all at whim of Mistress

5).  Corporal punishment (from light spanking to heavy caning): I could write a book about the joys of “corporal”, “discipline” or any of the many names we give to impact play. A whole chapter would be dedicated to praising textures, how they feel on bare skin. A smooth cane stings sharp. But soft thick leather gives a thud – like a punch. So many nuances to experience! Most people find their favourite sensations, stinging vs. thuddy. I love to bring them that skin pleasure.

The pain can also release the mind and give it rest from the incessant beating of thoughts. Each stroke of the whip cleanses the submissive, the pain helps them surrender, and how I love to see them writhe and wiggle, moan and yelp… Their reactions feed my inner sadist. Stroke by stroke we move together, riding the energy that pain play exalts, in the dance of SM.

6).  Cross-Dressing and Forced Feminization: Many naughty boys have dreamed of wearing their sister’s fluffy dresses, or the babysitter’s soft scarf… We can go beyond where the dream couldn’t take you and transform little boys into sweet, adorable sissies. Or into hot horny sluts, or many fun characters in between. It’s time to dress up, put on your make up and have a party with Mistress. Some might need more than encouragement- the really shy ones, need to be pushed, bullied and coerced into expressing their more feminine self. Hmmm… so many games, so much fun to be had…

7).  Domestic services (maid training): There is one very special type of sissy, and that is the sissy maid. Not only does she get trained to be girly and slutty, this one must also learn to clean according to Mistress’ high standards. She may have typical household chores, such as scrubbing the floor while making sure to expose her delightful derriere for Mistress’ entertainment. She might have to polish Mistress’ leather shoes or her vast collection of whips. And we may need to test each one to see whether they have been well-softened by the polish. Or when a maid is particularly pretty, I may send her around the block to walk the kitty-cat. Hmmm… That will take a while. I wonder what the neighbors will think.

8).  Face-sitting: It’s so hard being a Mistress… All these tight corsets and vertiginously high heels. Sometimes Mistress just needs a rest. All she needs is a soft warm seat, to relax her ample bottom. A seat that might vibrate with humming. A still, tied up seat which needs little air so Mistress can really relax. Or maybe a moving seat like the massage chairs on a nail parlor, or a mechanical bull in the country fair. All this I can get from my seat made of man, a piece of meat. My Meat Seat.

9).  Foot / Boot / Shoe worship & Trampling: Although I started this entry in the “body worship” section, feet and shoes deserve their own category. The feet have long been known to represent the entire body. Reflexology is the ancient art of mapping the feet such that different areas represent specific parts of the body. So by worshiping Mistress’s feet, subs are worshiping all of my body. I have strong and very responsive feet. A good foot massage is pure heaven for me.

A fetish that usually goes hand-in-hand with foot fetish is trampling. Many foot-lovers enjoy being underneath them, feeling crushed like a bug. The sensation of being walked on is not as painful as one might think- after all many Asian massage parlous offer “walking on the back”. Of course, recipients (or mats, as I call them) will have to be strong to withstand the weight of 6-foot (180m) tall Amazonian Goddess Kalyss. Hey, another benefit for mats - the ordeal makes you stronger. And for me, I get to stretch my feet on a soft “meat mat” and practice my yoga balance. So challenges for the both of us, playful and fun!

Finally, one cannot forget our precious objects of desire, the curves of our dreamy high heeled shoes. There is always more room for gorgeous shoes & boots in Mistress’ wardrobe and room for shoe fetishists whose adoration is for Mistress’ vanity. We both love all that shiny glossy patent leather; all those straps, like bondage for the feet; encasings in diamonds and sparkly decorations, or buckles and spikes for evil-gelical boots. The shapes are so erotic, sharp, smooth and shiny. Heck, it’s a chemistry thing. When we see the shoe, we bond. There is no better explanation.

Part 2: From Golden Showers to Tickling

Disclaimer: All activities are performed under strict safety guidelines, always with the use of safewords and other methods to maintain a consensual scene. Any references to “forced” or apparently non-consensual behavior are all within the pre-negotiated role play for the scene.



Article originally published on iFet.com, March 2015. and at: http://www.KalyssMercury.com

Kinking the Vikings: Oslo Fetish Weekend

For the full schedule, check the website.

Less than 8 weeks ago, one of my Oslo Domme friends invited me to a meeting to plan workshops with Midori, the world famous Shibari Artist and kink educator. I have attended some of her workshops in Sydney, so I was psyched that the crew wanted to bring her to Norway. What a fantastic idea! Oslo may have a small population compared to other European capitals, but I have found a lot of vanilla people here to be very open minded and curious about the BDSM /Fetish lifestyle. I saw Midori's visit as the perfect catalyst to bring a bigger event to the Norwegian stage. So, as we planned for Midori's workshops, one thing led to another and within a 2-hour meeting, the cat was out of the bag: OSLO FETISH WEEKEND was born.
www.OsloFetishWeekend.com/


For the full schedule, check the website.
OFW Midori Kalyss Hellkitty

What is the purpose of a "Fetish Weekend" style event? Stand alone fetish parties can be fun, but they have a limited scope for interaction. Parties are usually the realm of extroverts, and often introverts may feel out of place and that they have less chance to share their personality.  But when people learn together, they often are more open to making friendships. The interaction has a purpose, so it takes the pressure out of "being social", and lets people be themselves. By having different activities, a "weekend event" gives people a chance to express themselves in different environments. You can learn new skills at a workshop, dance and be extravagant at the Big Saturday party, or take the time to chat with people during the intro nights and in between events.  A "fetish weekend" is our kinky version of the old time market days, where people came together to trade and be social. Here, we come together to celebrate the diversity of our sexual/kink interests.

       Oslo Fetish Weekend, Première edition promises 3 days of exploration, diversity and freedom to be who we want to be. This event is open for kinksters of all levels and sexual orientations, and we promote discussion of all fetishes. As much as the workshops are geared towards a beginner/intermediate audience, we want participants to feel that they can express their interests and ask questions without fear of ridicule. My kinks are not better than yours. We are all sluts & perverts, in the best possible way. ;-D

So what are you waiting for?! Get your tickets and come celebrate Kink with us!

http://pub.ticketmobile.no/Events/47184/10893

Get ready for an EXPLOSION of fetish and Kink! 

Article originally published on http://www.KalyssMercury.com

Why is it so “bad” to be vulnerable? Men’s struggle for emotional equality

In the last 100 years, women have taken gigantic steps towards gender equality. But this time, I won't be discussing the feminist agenda. I want to approach a much less debated subject: men’s rights. As women have fought to become equal, they have taken many traditionally "masculine" qualities such as strength, competitiveness and confidence. Many of these masculine qualities are often seen as positive and well desired attributes within personal development. While women have expanded their range of personality and opportunity, men have, in general, maintained their stronghold on the male sphere (typically public endeavors, as business, work and leadership). Yet, while there are more males becoming stay-at-home dads and taking traditionally female occupations, in general, it is not well accepted for men to express typical “female” qualities. This creates an unfair imbalance; women can express male or female qualities, but when men express “female” qualities they are often criticized and told to “man-up” or “grow some balls”. Society expects men to show NO signs of weakness, especially at the public sphere (work), where many men navigate to when things get tough. This attitude is also gender discrimination; it is time for men to fight for their rights to express all forms of human expression, not just the “manly” ones.  

Even in our supposedly progressive western society, the connotations of many "feminine" qualities, such as vulnerability, emotionality and shyness veer toward the negative side. As a simple exercise, look over the two lists below imagining it describes a man or a woman. Though not all words in list 1 are inherently negative in social meaning, most of them take a more negative meaning when applied to a man. For example, a sensitive woman is more socially acceptable than a sensitive man. When men exhibit these qualities, they are frowned upon. On the other hand, women exhibiting qualities from list 2 might be criticized for some of them (a tough-skinned/resilient woman can easily be dobbed as harsh and insensitive), but for the most part “male” qualities are admired in both genders.

Why are masculine qualities often perceived as positive and the reverse trend with female qualities? I could get into the feminist blame-game where the “male-oppressor” is responsible for vilifying traditionally female strengths, but there are many factors at work. Gender differences exist due to our evolution and history, and they survived in this way as part of the specialization of the two genders, which was helpful for survival in harsh environments. At the same time, there is also a huge range of variety between the two stereotypical male/female ends of the scale. So why is there so much thinking in absolutes within the gender dichotomy? These tendencies may be hard to change, but we can change the value system we use to describe them. So the key question is not “why are female qualities seen as more negative”, but “do we need to have a good vs. bad dichotomy for characteristics that serve different purposes?”

Why are masculine qualities often perceived as positive and the reverse trend with female qualities? I could get into the feminist blame-game where the “male-oppressor” is responsible for vilifying traditionally female strengths, but there are many factors at work. Gender differences exist due to our evolution and history, and they survived in this way as part of the specialization of the two genders, which was helpful for survival in harsh environments. At the same time, there is also a huge range of variety between the two stereotypical male/female ends of the scale. So why is there so much thinking in absolutes within the gender dichotomy? These tendencies may be hard to change, but we can change the value system we use to describe them. So the key question is not “why are female qualities seen as more negative”, but “do we need to have a good vs. bad dichotomy for characteristics that serve different purposes?”   Traditionally, a woman’s domain was the private/family sphere, which required specific set of characteristics. For instance, it’s more important to be sensitive and intuitive when looking after children than when negotiating a business deal. So rather than label characteristics as good or bad we should look at the context and situation. For instance, a woman (or a man, for that matter) may be rational and independent within her work and social spheres (masculine/yang expression), but she may remain sensitive and nurturing in her intimate/family life (feminine/yin expression). Many of the traditionally female qualities are important when dealing with the “right brain” issues, such as emotions, relationships, art and recreation. Vulnerability and sensitivity are vital parts of developing intimate relationships. If one does not open up one’s heart, trust is hard to build. As T.Q. from www.singleblackmale.org describes: “Most of the women I know like for their men to NOT be vulnerable by default (to the general public so to speak), but to gradually open up and be vulnerable to them personally after he comes to trust her.”   Men have emotions too, even if they may not be willing to admit it. But where women have built a culture where emotional expression is supported, men are missing out. For so many men, life is all work and no play. This needs to change.

As a professional dominatrix, I frequently witness men in search of emotional support and craving to express their more gentle side. I'm sure, like many women, men feel vulnerable at least once in a while. They may not show it publicly, but they are also victims of stress, betrayal, distrust, heartbreak, guilt and disappointment. Only, for a vast majority of them, crying on a friend's shoulder is not an option. So how can they express and clear these negative feelings? Many men use anger and physical exertion to express their feelings. They might also sublimate them through art or visit a psychologist. But a large majority is more likely to bury these feelings (as the Australian saying goes “harden the fuck up, mate!”), a road that can easily lead to stress-related illnesses, or in a worst case scenario, suicide. In fact, it’s no wonder that in general, suicide rates among men are so much higher than among women. Men do not have a culturally accepted outlet for sharing emotions, especially when these feelings do not fit the accepted masculine stereotypes. That’s where kink comes to the rescue .

Two main attractions in BDSM are power exchange & role reversal. Dom & sub dynamics are all about playing with masculine and feminine energies, the yin & yang, this opposing duality that is reflected in so many aspects of society and nature. The scene space provides an oasis where the submissive can remove their societal masks and really be themselves, warts and all . Within kink, role reversal is much more widely accepted. Consensual submission allows men to express their more “feminine” qualities and their vulnerabilities without fear of judgment. On the contrary, femme dommes appreciate a passive and obedient male sub. In fact, many BDSM activities are forms of escape from the gender stereotypes of daily life. For instance, role plays and humiliation often include some form of role reversal. The theatre of kink allows participants to temporarily forget who they are in "real life" to take less “masculine” roles. It is ok for the “naughty student” to be innocent and inexperienced.

Furthermore, when done with the right intention, BDSM can have immense therapeutic potential. With the right coaching by an experienced and conscientious domme, all those negative emotions from daily life can be purged with the use of corporal punishment (catharsis), carefully constructed humiliation and other BDSM activities. Further, the exercising of these feelings promotes emotional intelligence. When a man practices a variety of emotional states (not just the socially accepted “manly” ones), he becomes more at ease in expressing them outside sessions when it’s appropriate, as in his intimate relationships. So for a man to visit a pro-domme, he is not only escaping his everyday stress and expressing his submissive side, he is also training his emotional “muscles” which can also improve his personal/intimate relationships. The journey of gender equality is not about men and women becoming the same, but it should be more about the acceptance of both genders (and all the inter-genders) expressing the full range of human characteristics without the fear of prejudice. While women’s equality race brought private issues to the public domain, men’s journey should be reversed. Men already have a good grip on public/work issues, they need help in the private sphere. Expressing receptive yin qualities within BDSM sessions is an effective and fun way for men to achieve inner balance, the next step in the gender equality journey. Men may still be victims of sexism if they express their vulnerability in public, thus thankfully in the dungeon they can be gentle, frail, flirty, emotional and submissive without the fear of being bullied. Unless that’s on the script right, cry-baby sissy slut?!

References

[i] Check this study on female leadership for an example of this type of double standard: http://www.catalyst.org/uploads/the_double_bind_for_women_in_leadership_flyer.pdf

[ii] For full article, see http://www.singleblackmale.org/2014/03/04/double-standard-vulnerability-men-women/

[iii] BDSM sessions are one way for men to express their feminine side. Men’s group therapies are another way. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rotwI8lSyQo

[iv] Check Roy Baumeister for his theory of SM as an escape from the burdens of the Self. http://www.niu.edu/user/tj0bjs1/bdsm/Baumeister%20(1997).pdf



 Article originally published on iFet.com, February 2015. and at:http://www.KalyssMercury.com

MKM's Fetish Shopping in New York City.

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The Science of Kink

Kinky Greetings! This is Kalyss Mercury- Pro-Domme, BDSM educator & kink researcher. I've been working as a Dominatrix for over 15 years now. Years ago, I noticed how many of my clients had strong emotional reactions during discipline sessions. Many times, they were surprised at how the interaction within the session reduced their stress levels and to a certain extent “reset” them to a more stable mood. My curiosity took off and I consulted my kink library for answers. There were plenty of descriptions of the effects I’d noticed, and a few theories explaining them, but the books I had did not go into the scientific testing of these effects and very few cited actual studies cataloguing BDSM activity. A few weeks of research later and I realised there was very little actual research on the psychological effects of BDSM, at least in what was freely available online. Yes, there were some isolated studies here and there. But they mostly focused on describing the population, as for instance, in terms of their mental stability (many good results for us, but that’s another story). According to the Kinsey Institute New Report on Sex (1990), kinksters make up between 5 and 10% of the United States population, a number that could be an underestimation, due to fears of disclosure. Meanwhile, although statistics vary widely between countries and worldwide cities, homosexuality ranges between 5% and 15% of the population. Yet although population percentages are similar, there is about twice as much research being done on homosexuality than on kinky sex. Why is that?

The numerous campaigns promoting homosexual and queer community equality, (including Pride celebrations around the globe and the more recent marriage equality polemic), have raised awareness for gay rights. As an effect, many academics have taken up research within this community and now there is a lot more data concerning important queer issues, such as youth gay suicide. Research results help create systems to address these issues, and counselors, psychologists and other support networks become more aware and better equipped to help members of the community during troubled times. We are still working towards a more transparent psychological support system, but at least we are moving away from the "anti homosexuality treatments” of the 1950's (as described by Smith, Bartlett, & King BMJ, doi:10.1136/bmj.37984.442419.EE, 2004), http://www.bmj.com/content/328/7437/427.full.pdf+html.

For a majority of kinksters, BDSM is mostly a private interaction, so kink activism is not as vigorous as our flamboyantly fabulous gay pride campaigns. Yet, being a kinkster can also have severe effects on one's life outside the bedroom. The National Coalition for Sexual Freedom has campaigned for years to remove psychological diagnoses for consensual kink activities finally with success in 2012 (https://ncsfreedom.org/key-programs/dsm-v-revision-project/dsm-v-program-page.html). Surprisingly, some countries (e.g. United Kingdom) still uphold archaic laws which categorize SM as grievous bodily harm if marks are lasting, even if performed between consenting adults (Check the Spanner Trust for more detailed information: http://spannertrust.org/documents/smandthelaw.asp). Although there has been a reduction in convictions against kinksters, as for instance in child custody cases, members of the kink community are still subject to prejudice, bullying and stigma simply because of their bedroom proclivities. Although the media loves the fetish style, the taboo is still there. Interestingly, how come thousands of BDSM fiction stories have not “made it” to a mass market, while 50 Shades of Grey, with all its typos and bad grammar went on to sell millions of copies? 50 Shades portrayed BDSM as something that was “cured by love”, implying that BDSM is still widely accepted as a form of “sickness” with the between the lines message: “If you really love someone, you won’t do that to them.” So, while fetish and kink may be more visible and polemic in popular media, for the general population, including the academic world, BDSM acts are still connected to ideas of trauma, disease and dysfunction. This negative stigma is harmful for kinksters as it assumes that we are damaged individuals, and therefor, we must change this perspective!

BDSM needs more activism! But I know plenty of kinky folk that have no interest in taking to the streets to fight for our rights. They may only do kinky activities occasionally, or it is threatening for them to disclose their orientation in public. However, one effective way to do BDSM activism without the need for individuals to come of of the closet is kink research! I have been a kink crusader for years now, so the logical step was to join my curiosity with my academic past, and engage in some kink research myself. My passion for this mission is the strongest ally through the challenge of exploring kink issues within a scientific framework. Because the taboo is still there, I've run into trouble repeatedly in the last year, firstly for finding advisors (many of the professors quickly lost interest in chatting with me once I shared what my thesis topic was about) then for getting ethical approval (my proposals were repeatedly turned down due to my target population –kinksters- being “at risk” and “potentially unstable”). Still, all the work was worthwhile, because now I can reach out to the community so YOU can share YOUR views on BDSM & pain in a completely safe and anonymous way. My current research focuses on whether SM has any beneficial/therapeutic effects and how participants cope with pain within an SM context (and within everyday painful activities). And as part of my master’s thesis, I am collecting views from the kink community through an online survey.

http://surveymonkey.com/r/benefitsofpain (Survey is now closed)

The survey is anonymous and we don't even collect IP addresses in order to protect people's privacy. It takes about 20-30 mins to complete depending on the answer choices.

Not Kinky? Not really into pain? New to the scene? No problem! The survey also collects data on everyday pain activities, as it's important to have a comparative control group in the sample.

And even if you don't recognise these effects or agree with my hypothesis, that's even more reason to participate in the survey. We want the survey to reflect all the opinions from the community. If only my fans do the survey, it will create a biased effect.

The more different people participate, the better the sample will represent of our diverse alternative community!

Thank you for helping advance The Science of Kink!

Hugs & Spanks!

M.K. Mercury

Ps: You can keep up with my research findings by liking the FB page https://www.facebook.com/kinkyscience

The Science of Kink project is an initiative to spread the word about past and current research about BDSM & fetish practices. The scientific community is becoming ever more open minded towards studying the kink community and many interesting results are showing up. Knowledge is power, and sharing is caring. Further, the SoK project also reaches out to kinksters to promote participation in ongoing research, most recently for The Benefits of Pain Survey.

 *Article originally published on iFet.com and at http://www.KalyssMercury.com

TOP 10 Rules for your 1st contact with a Mistress

1. Use a formal, polite and subservient tone.

If you haven't met Mistress, you won't know her style. She might be friendly and casual or strict and unforgiving. By using a formal tone you cover all bases. Most mistresses like to be treated like queens. Do you want her to feel strong and powerful when she reads your message? Then show your humility, politeness and submission with your words. It will start the interaction on the right foot.

2. Avoid profanity

Would you say the “F” word to your doctor or in a business meeting or even better, if you met one of the royals? Of course not. Use the same attitude here. Mistress may eventually do very naughty things to you in the dungeon, but the first contact should be like a first date. Be on your best behaviour.

3. Be concise:  Get to the point.

Because there are always more sub males than femme dommes, mistresses often receive loads of emails from prospective subs. This means we're busy, so don't waste our time with the story of your life in the first email you ever send.  Why are you contacting Mistress? Do you want a session? Do you wish to do domestic servitude? Or are you just offering adoring compliments? Whatever the case, be brief. Say What you want using a small amount of words while still being polite and humble of course!

4. Be precise and inclusive.

While it's good to keep your first message rather short (Max. 10-15 sentences) omitting important information will only mean Mistress needs to reply with more questions. That takes time and will delay your interaction. A few tips on what you should ALWAYS include in a first message to Mistress. A) Your name. How will Mistress set you apart from a 1000 other slaves? Do you think she'll remember your email address? Find a catchy way to call yourself. No need to use your real name but "naughty boy" is too vague. B) Your location or Where you'll travel. Many mistresses travel a lot, so don't assume she's currently where her ad says she's from. C) Your fetish interests. Write a basic short list of what you like or think you might like (if you're still new to this). D) Your request. What do you want? Explain it briefly.

Do you want Mistress to smile when she reads
your message? Then follow the RULES!

5. Don't be manipulative.

In your fantasies, you may like to act like a brat or naughty slave. Or you may enjoy being humiliated and insulted. But these attitudes should be saved for the dungeon only. Acting up or being "annoying" in the hope that Mistress will get angry and humiliate you via email is manipulation. Experienced dommes can recognise this ruse from miles away. Yes she might get annoyed, but that will probably backfire in her ignoring your message or worse: labelling you as a "time waster" and telling all her domme friends to blacklist you too.

6. A photo of your penis says "I'm a dick".

As much as most males have a fascination with female nudity, the opposite is not true. Most women don't want to see your manhood before getting to know you. A Mistress will rarely care what your appendage looks like. Even if your fantasy is "small cock humiliation" it still doesn't matter. Your private parts should be kept private until Mistress asks to see them (that goes for your butt as well).

7) DO your homework.

Before asking Mistress a hundred questions, read her website and blogs. If you want a session, check her fetish interests. Your answer may already be there and this will again streamline your contact with Her. Also, some mistresses spend a lot of time writing so showing that you've the spent time to read what she's all about is also a sign of respect and that your intentions are more than just seeking attention.

8) Avoid ping pong messages.

After reading Mistress's profile, website and blogs, you may still have questions. That is fine, but put all your questions in one message. Back and forth one liner messaging is so annoying.

9) Language, grammar, punctuation & spelling.

Google Translate is a fabulous tool: USE IT!

Most email programs have a spell check. USE IT!

If you did your homework, you will know what language Mistress likes to use for contact. For example, I speak English, Portuguese, French and Spanish, but my preferred language for contact is English. You should be working hard to contact me, not the other way around.

Even better, if grammar is not your strength, write your message on a word document so it can catch your run on sentences and confusing grammar. If a Mistress has to decode your message because you have poor language skills, she may see that as a sign of your laziness. Also, poor use of grammar means it will be harder for her to understand what you want. If your message is too much effort, Mistress might ignore you.

10) Express yourself.

Even with all these rules, there's still space to be yourself. Mistresses like subservient, polite and well spoken subs, but we don't want robots (well, maybe for a sci-fi scene yes, but not all the time!). So find a way to show a bit of your personality. What's special about you? No need to write your life story, but a little bit can go a long way! Be Creative!

To guide you, here is one example of a bad message and How to fix it. If I have the time, I will add other bad messages on the comments and how to improve them.

-----

Hey babe/sexy/honey Can we chat sometime? Ur so hot! Your pics make me hard can i be your slave?

Xx

Dear Mistress,

I'm very impressed with your photos and profile. You are so stunning and dominant. I live in [city, country]. Do you ever visit here? I'm interested in [fetish list] and  would love to serve as your slave. It would be an honor to talk with you further. What is the most convenient time for you, Goddess?

Patiently awaiting your instructions,

slave ”paddywack” from London

Originally published at:http://www.KalyssMercury.com

Instructions For Travel Slaves

While Mistress is traveling, you may serve Her in a session basis; in which case you'll be required to provide a venue for the session, (i.e. hotel room or hired dungeon); and/or as a travel slave. A travel slave has specific responsibilities as described below:

Visiting Venice

• Provide adequate accommodation for Mistress; a guest room in your home (if you live alone and in a convenient location) or a hotel room 4 stars or higher.

• Accompany Mistress to tourist attractions in your town. Be prepared with a list of places of interest, ideally with pamphlets so Mistress can choose where you'll take Her.

• Pamper Mistress while She visits (see Worship for more information on how to pamper your Goddess)

• Obviously serve domestically, as a driver and interpreter (in case Mistress does not speak your local language).

• Show Mistress a bit of your culture; be Her travel guide. Share local traditions, peculiarities, local cuisine.

"If you want to be my travel slave, I'd be your "owner" for the duration of my visit. I know you probably have work commitments, and I am very independent so I could spend some time on my own. But I'd expect your free time during my visit to be spent with me while I control your every move. It you show good behaviour, I will reward you in a more intimate BDSM play. If you are bad... then I might have to punish you, even if only lightly. It can be very interesting to have someone dominate you for a whole week... Have you ever done it?

"Do you have the courage to submit to me in this way? Do you think you can handle it..."

MKM

Mistress is very demanding, but She understands limitations (public displays of dominance require discretion.) Still, She expects to be treated like a goddess at all times. That means, you will have to obey and follow Her directions at all times. Mistress is very reasonable; She won't ask you to do outrageous tasks. Therefore, the ones She does ask must be performed to perfection or the best of your ability.

Originally published at:http://www.KalyssMercury.com

Rules of Engagement

1. Mistress knows best.
2. Know yourself and express yourself.
3. Know your place.



1.  Mistress Knows Best.

With more than ten years experience in the scene, I can confidently say that as far as my relationships go, i know what I'm doing. So if you don't agree with my rules, find someone else to serve. I also accept that I'm always growing and will adjust these rules as life's lessons show me new light. That is my privilege as dominant.

2. Know yourself and express yourself.

I've done loads of soul searching. So should you. Before approaching me with offering yourself, look inwards. What are your motivations for serving a mistress? What do you expect to gain from this relationship? What do you have to offer? What level of commitment do you seek?
Answer these questions on your application to serve. Should your application be accepted, your answers will benchmark your growth. You will be expected to re-evaluate your expectations from time to time, so be aware this is an ongoing process and integral part of your development.

3. Know your place.

I lead a very diverse life. I work as a pro-domme in order to spread my dominant energy with as many submissives as I can. I do not want a personal slave or submissive boyfriend. The best way to serve me is in a session. That is when you will get me at my best. If you want to serve outside sessions as well, DO NOT EXPECT TO GET PLAY IN RETURN. Play is for sessions. Please, do not delude yourself. It is natural to admire and adore your Mistress, but DO NOT FALL IN LOVE WITH ME. I do not do romantic relationships. As a slave, your duty is to serve me, not complicate my life.

Originally published at:http://www.KalyssMercury.com

"Dominatrix Wanted: Will train."

Backstage st photo shoot for Juice magazine in the
beginning of my career. Sydney, Australia.

How did you start working as a Domme? Like most regular jobs, domination begins with training. Obviously, you won't find it on the local community college course list, but at most big cities in the western world, domination houses will provide training for apprentice mistresses. In 1999, I answered a wanted ad and became an apprentice at a domination house in Sydney. I got a limited amount of training, firstly through observing other mistresses in sessions and then slowly participating as a helper in sessions. Within two weeks, I was conducting sessions on my own (looking back that was quite rushed, yet there was a shortage of Mistresses where I was " thrown in the deep end" and had to learn rather quickly). I eventually moved to another domination house where I got more technical training and later opened my own independent studio in 2003. From 2004 to 2006, I toured USA, Europe and Asia. My world tour deserves it's very own article, as I had such excellent adventures.Though my start as a pro-domme was rather straight-forward, building the insight to catch the wanted ad on the newspaper and the courage to answer it was a long process that has been with me since a very early age. Anyone can wield a whip and call themselves "Mistress" and even many of them can be rather skilled in BDSM techniques. However no one can perform the job of dominatrix without being naturally dominant. Perhaps being an only child for the first six years of my life made me a bit of a spoiled princess. It is not far from the truth, as my ancestry goes back to a Portuguese Baron and a French Countess. Growing up in Brazil, where even middle class families can afford to have maids, I have become accustomed to being waited on hand and foot, while at the same time learning to show kindness, patience and respect towards those that serve me (as a true queen should). As a child, my manners were impeccable to such extent that my classmates nicknamed me "Milady" (trying to tease me, while it had the opposite effect!). Still, I was never bratty or bossy. I never had the need to. Friends would often join in games I invented and be happy to follow my instructions and guidance. I even had an obsession with rubberized shoes at age three! Talk about a true fetishist. And yes, I tied up and tortured my Barbies. Every so often, I get another childhood memory showing streaks in my dominant and fetishist nature. It all seems so clear when put together. Even so, though the tendencies were there, I only blossomed into BDSM as a teenager.

I first learned about BDSM in the early 90's via the internet. Chatting online, I discovered role-playing and fellow chatters soon questioned me if I was into S'n'M. I didn't even know what that stood for. But I was immediately curious and my exploration began. I devoured books, movies and all manner of information I could get. I went to fetish parties and played little games with friends and lovers. Still, it wasn't my only preoccupation as I was studying at university, so my development was gradual. When coming to Sydney (Australia) for a study abroad program, I was exposed to life in a western city and stumbled onto the Hellfire club. Until then, I had only played with people I knew. But the atmosphere drew me to engage with others in the club. An impressed submissive asked me where I worked as a domme. "What!? I can do this for work?!" The rest is history.

Originally published at:http://www.KalyssMercury.com

Top 10 Rules for How to Contact a Mistress

1. Use A Formal, Polite And Subservient Tone. 
If you haven't met Mistress, you won't know her style. She might be friendly and casual or strict and unforgiving. By using a formal tone you cover all bases. Most mistresses like to be treated like queens. Do you want her to feel strong and powerful when she reads your message? Then show your humility, politeness and submission with your words. It will start the interaction on the right foot.

2. Avoid Profanity

Would you say the “F” word to your doctor or in a business meeting or even better, if you met one of the royals? Of course not. Use the same attitude here. Mistress may eventually do very naughty things to you in the dungeon, but the first contact should be like a first date. Be on your best behavior.

3. Be Concise:  Get To The Point.

Because there are always more sub males than femme dommes, mistresses often receive loads of emails from prospective subs. This means we're busy, so don't waste our time with the story of your life in the first email you ever send.  Why are you contacting Mistress? Do you want a session? Do you wish to do domestic servitude? Or are you just offering adoring compliments? Whatever the case, be brief. Say What you want using a small amount of words while still being polite and humble of course!

BDSM Basic Questions

-Is BDSM Safe?

In my case, absolutely everything I do is consensual, which means all participants agree with it and I am extremely concerned with physical safety, hygiene and the mental health of my slaves. But as with any situation, there are people out there that don’t play too safely, as for instance they will take hard drugs before or during a scene. That removes the control from the dominant and of course makes things rather sketchy… Yet the level of safety has more to do with the people involved rather than the activities they are engaging in.

-Isn’t it really “hardcore”?

It can be, but only once you become more experienced in it.  

-Are there different levels of Domination?

Not only levels but styles. From Beginner to experienced, wherever you are that’s a level. As for styles, it all depends on the people involved and what they are into. For example, some people may be into heavy pain wile others like adoration, as foot worship.

 -Is BDSM about pain \ humiliation \ power or lack of power?

Again, it depends on the person, but it’s not ALL about pain. Yet, most BDSM has some level of power exchange.

- Do "normal" people like BDSM?

What is your definition of “normal”? If you mean mentally stable, then of course yes. Playing in BDSM doesn’t categorize you as insane. If you mean “average”, then in general, the answer is no. BDSM is rather complex and people with average intelligence usually do not have the mental capacity to challenge their social conditioning and take a step into that unknown, unusual experience.

-What kind of people like this kind of interaction?

The majority of serious players are successful business people or groups with a higher than average income, and  with a flare for extravagance and decadence. BDSM play usually involves lots of toys, fetish clothes, and other equipment and most of this stuff is expensive. There are exceptions to the rule of course. And as I said before, people who are seriously into this tend to more intelligent than the average person. Recently BDSM has become more “popular” with loads of people flocking to parties like Wasteland. I can tell you from personal experience the majority of them is not into REAL BDSM interaction. They dress up in fetish clothes, get high on drugs, and go to the party to dance and fuck. BDSM is a lot deeper than that.

- What’s the sexual kick?

That depends on the role you take. The submissive gets a kick out of losing control and being used and owned like an object. It may sound crazy, but that actually gives one an immense feeling of freedom. Explain freedom to and freedom from.

Now the dominant has the exact opposite turn on. The knowledge that someone is giving themselves to you, the power you can exert on another person WITH THEIR CONSENT, it’s a huge ego trip. Mental and emotional manipulation is an incredibly fun game. Most people in the world do it, especially females. But in my case it is CONSENTED. My slaves WANT to be manipulated. So we are both happy playing our complementary roles.

- What equipment is used?

Again that depends on the interaction and on the person. Let me show you some of my toys.

-What Costumes are used?

Whatever turns you on. I love Victorian gowns and corsets, but of course, because I like variety, I have LOADS of different styles of costumes. Many people are into Latex and Leather.

- What kind of roles are played?

It all depends on your imagination. Nurse and patient, Teacher and student, Boss and secretary, the possibilities are endless!

-What other services do you do?

I don’t provide a service. I do what I like with my slaves. If their kink happens to be in my list of enjoyed activities, then lucky for them. If not, then they can find someone else. I don’t make compromises with slaves. It’s my way or the highway. And if by services you mean sexual services, then the answer is NONE. I do not blow slaves, but I’ll spit on them. I don’t wank slaves, but I’ll tie up their privates and whip them, and I definitely don’t have sex with them, unless of course I’m wearing a strap-on…

Originally published at:http://www.KalyssMercury.com